Years of Going Through Several Sizes of Clothes ...

As my weight loss has been somewhat slow for the past approximately 6 months (I have slowly gone from about 126.5 to 120.5) it is starting to dawn on me that the years of going through several sizes of clothes are finally coming to an end. Let me repeat that. AN END. The years of going through several sizes of clothes are finally coming to an end.

My weight gain journey started in puberty. At age fourteen, my paternal grandmother died and all eating structure in my life pretty much evaporated overnight. Preceding my grandmothers death I had already lost my mother and learned to turn to sweets for comfort. After my grandmother died I became a hardcore sugar junkie. Breakfast white bread toast with cinnamon sugar and hot cocoa. Now and Later candy on the way to school. Little Debbies Star Crunches, ice cream sandwiches and chocolate milk for lunch. A Snickers bar in the afternoon for a snack. A stressful "family dinner" often steak, pink with blood running on the plate that sickened me. Or maybe pancakes with maple syrup and powdered sugar. YIKES! Sounds pretty awful. YES, it was.

No wonder, now that I can be, now that I have the power and ability to assert myself I am so picky and demanding about my food!

Since I was fourteen I do not beleive that my body weight has EVER been stable for ANYTHING like a year. I don't think it has EVER been stable for more than four months. This is a painful realization that I confess. But it is the truth.

SO you can imagine that I can hardly fathom that the years of going through several sizes of clothes are coming to an end. I have been wearing the same jeans, shirts, slacks, skirts and dresses for months. I suspect this will continue. Think of all the time and money I am going to save by not having to buy several size wardrobes each year? Because I am on a non-hoarder. When my clothes become to small I don't hang on to them, just in case, I let them go and I give them to charity. When my clothes become to big, I don't hang onto them, just in case, I let them go and give them to charity. This means cycles and cycles of clothes. Of course I keep these purchases limited to less pricey venues ... Target for reasonably prices Moissimo shirts and jeans, thrift stores for a real bargain, throw something decent I can fit into during a trip to Walmart to pick up household items.

The Merry Go Round has not ever ended. Until now. The carousel music is fading as the wheel spins slower and slower. And I am getting used to myself. A new self that wakes up in the morning and does not have to worry "Will my jeans fit?" A new self that actually becomes less self-conscious because I don't have to think so much about what I can wear or what I can't. I new self that is not reeling from the binge and weight gain I just can't stop.

This is incredible. Simply INCREDIBLE!

Whew!!!!!

Well I survived my NWS - Non Weekend S Day!

But I was kind of weird with it.
My inner rebel is beginning to assert herself... she is a toddler and even though she has bright blue eyes and a cherub smile she is something fierce and definitely a force to be reckoned with!

ANYWAY ... Monday and Tuesday this week I did NOT want to eat three meals.
TOO MUCH FOOD! I don't want it!
But I did. Why? I am building HABIT.
AND HAVING TO LEARN how to eat three plates a day and make sure it is NOT
TOO MUCH FOOD.

So today ... being an NWS day ... my inner toddler got HER way...
we skipped breakfast and made our special lunch with our friend into a brunch that lasted about three hours.
We ate outside on the patio, underneath the umbrella, which was underneath the clear blue Socal Skies!!!
It was lovely. It was leisurely. The food .... salad, homemade spelt rosemary bread, and cannellini beans with garlic tomato sauce and greens was YUMMY!
then we topped it off with a few nice pieces of Godiva Chocolate.

So ... after my friend left and I cleaned the HORRENDOUS mess in my kitchen!!!!

I sauntered over to our neighborhood Starbucks and thoroughly enjoyed my DRINKY THING! Just one.
Followed that up with a shot of Mona Vie when I got home.
That was all over about 4:30 and then I was busy busy busy like a little bee...
now it is time to go to bed and yes I am a BIT hungry,
but honestly it feels good and my inner toddler is happy,
she got her way today... she feels like she got to break the rules and that just
makes her all happy inside!

So that is what No S gives me... structure that I NEED and freedom that me and my inner toddler WANT!

Sweet Dreams All!

NWS Day Tomorrow?

Well, I WAS planning to have a NWS day tomorrow but now I am not sure whether I will or not.
I am planning to have a friend over for a special lunch, thus the NWS day. It would seem odd to foist food upon her that I am not going to share in,
it would seem equally odd on this special occasion to restrict our lunch to only one plate.

But there was an unforeseen occurrence in her life today and for the moment I am in limbo.
At first, two weeks ago, when I planned this it sounded just like a great idea.
Now, today, only two N days into my week I have been a bit wiggy.

Not sure I like the idea at all of breaking that nice little five day N day stretch. At this point, fairly early in my NO S life the five N days are like a life boat. Saving me from ... exactly what I am not certain.

I think saving me from overeating. For I have not been binging. But on some of my S days the food has tilted towards overeating. JUST TOO MUCH.

I paradoxically have a heightened sensitvity to all this since starting and staying on NO S.
Heightened sensitivity to my own hunger.
It is very clear to me now whether I get hungry for each meal.
If I do not, I know I DID REALLY eat too much on the last one.
Its not equivocal, I am hungry or I am not. And so far, there is less ...
so far, my getting hungry has been more reliable on my N days.
I guess I have managed it better, my hunger, my inner toddler.

So ... I find I am preferring my five N days in a row!
Not wanting to mess with the nice soothing comforting rhythm of N days.
with a NWS day!

Well, we shall see what tomorrow brings.

Variety IS the spice of life

Well I am done with the twenty-one day thing and now I am an official member of the NoS 21 club!
I will sign up tonight.
As promised I will now, hopefully, be coming up with titles for my daily blog that are a bit more creative. Themes, ideas, etc.

The only other housekeeping note is this: I will be posting the physical part of my results every thirty days here on the blog, so those will be coming in nine more days. I am sure we are both, you and me, curious as to what they will be.

I am a bit tired today. It is about 4:00 pm and I would just like to crawl under the covers but I still have much to do before my day is done. I will probably make a point to get to bed early-er tonight.

My husband and I get up fairly early on weekday mornings, but sometimes we go askew on the weekends. This past weekend was a bad one for us in sticking to our get to bed schedules. We stayed up late both nights and I am paying for that indulgence today!

Variety IS the spice of life ... and I can tend to get in a rut with me eating,
Especially when I am "dieting". Of course if the diet is particularly complicated I might figure out a few staple items and just hang with those... I have been known to do this for months ...

Yes I lose weight but they are most often followed by mad and frenzied binging cycles.
It's been hard to establish variety, order, sanity, and efficiency into my food life.

But now with NO S diet the concept of S days is kind of a built-in preplanned, marble rolling down the groove in the sandhill, way to acheive variety somewhat effortlessly. That fulfills my need for a certain amount of efficiency. Because S days are clear ... that brings an order to it all. And then of course, it becomes fun to think up ... what will it be this weekend? Undoubtedly something different... there is the variety.

As a result of ALL that you end up with quite a bit of sanity.

I like it.

For the record. IT is day twenty-two ... and I am back ON HABIT! Another little green square on Habitcal.

Day Twenty-One

Well this is it. I have made it twenty-one days.

Have I created a new habit? Yes I think I have.
Is it deeply ingrained?

Probably not yet. But ...
with the NO S diet ... as the folks on the forum have suggested that I would ....
I have embarked on a completely new relationship with food.

It is very interesting how it has evolved even just over a relatively brief twenty-one day period.

Tonight is the end of my third S day weekend. Each weekend was a little bit different. The first was scary and exciting. I was not at all certain I would be able to get back on habit on Monday.

The second S weekend I found with the treats I couldn't get in my three meals a day. I fretted about that. Would it throw me off on Monday?
No, come Monday morning everything was fine.

This weekend I really looked forward to it with a sense of , I believe inner security. The treats
would be there. I would be there. We would be there together for the weekend.
Then ... on Monday ...
I feel fairly confident I will be back on habit.

It IS hard to explain. The inner dynamic ... the inner healthy loving potentially sustainable dynamic that has been released by a commitment to follow a few simple rules with basically no equivocation.

There is a gift within all this. It is a gift to be received by anyone who is willing to do the same I believe.
It is really remarkable.
Really remarkable.