Building Self-Esteem

About 15 years ago, my goodness has it been that long? Yes it has! Anyway, about 15 years ago I was in a situation as a student with a very challenging teacher. Now I did not personally like this person at all but I “sensed” that this person had something very valuable to teach me and I was right. The nugget of gold that I took from this relationship that has served me well is this:

Building self-esteem is doing something you thought you couldn’t’ do.

In the past fifteen years, this little nugget of golden wisdom has served me well whenever I am faced with a task or situation that I am afraid that I cannot do. And I have learned that I feel better, much better about myself, whenever I do those things I thought I could not do. Whether it’s just facing another day consciously and present, having that difficult and dreaded much needed conversation about boundaries with a relative, sticking with a task until I get it right or stringing along a bunch of green days on the No S Diet.

Each little success accumulates and so does my self-esteem. Now you might think I have self-esteem in abundance. But that’s just not so. I was harshly criticized, attacked, verbally abused, and ridiculed for a significant part of my early years and those experiences left their mark. I became riddled with self-doubt. Failure in all areas of my life became very familiar to me, and I became an “ace” at accepting it.

In fact, I was convinced that if I could just “accept” and “forgive” my failures and shortcomings, I would eventually succeed. But truthfully, accepting myself for my “failures” or “forgiving” my failures simply did not aid me in achieving anything that was meaningful or significant to me in the long run. My life really did not start to turn around and become enjoyable and worth getting up for until I started to encourage and allow for and “set myself up” for success.

If I have a failure today I don’t spend a lot of time trying to accept it or forgive myself. First I ask myself “Is this something I really want or need?” i.e., apparently achieving success in this arena is going to take a little or a lot more effort than I originally thought, am I willing to put in the extra effort?

If the answer is “NO”, then I accept that I was trying to achieve something superfluous in my life and let it go. No more discussions. No questions asked. No need to beat the dead horse.

But if the answer is “YES” then I ask myself, “What do I need to do to succeed?” I have already established with the first question that I am ready and prepared to make the extra effort. Now I just need to figure out what that extra effort is for me.

Although in his book, Reinhard says that it may take twelve attempts to make the No S Diet work for you, I decided that I didn’t want to waste my time with “false starts”. If I was going to do the No S Diet, I was going to “commit 100%” and do it. I decided after reading the book that I would commit my will power to keeping my N days green and I wouldn’t allow ANYTHING else to get in my way. Not weight loss or lack of it, not well-meaning food pushing friends or relatives, no more “Can’t work, too busy eating” and of course, I had to surrender one of my biggest beliefs right off the bat … “I am a sugar addict and I am powerless over food.”

From that point on Success was not necessarily easy but I honored my commitment to myself. I made the necessary changes in my life that it took for me to not snack, eat sweets or eat seconds on N days and limit each meal to one plate or one bowl. I was afraid, that like many other “plans” I would not last more than six months, but …

Building self-esteem is doing something you thought you couldn’t’ do.

And that is immensely more satisfying than any concoction that any chef, baker or food manufacturer can come up with.