Day Twenty

Today I am thinking about substance over volume.

For many many many even a countless number of years I was convinced.
It was the sugar. It was the white flour. If I could BUT eliminate these
two particular substances from my life, my diet, my plate ... my desires.
I would be enlightened. Liberated.
Freed at last.

This went on for twenty-one years.
I think ... that is KIND OF a really PRETTY LONG TIME.
Don't you?
Yeah.

So. I could't do it.
I failed. Miserably. Again. And again.
And yet one more time.

But then, almost ten years ago I got this book
The Seven Secrets of Thin People.
They had a variety of "exercises" in eating awarness.
I remember one.
I used to drink coffee.
I drank it for about five years.
It was something my husband turned me on to.
Actually what he turned me onto was this concoction of chocolate, milk, and sugar, with a little bit of coffee...
a cafe mocha.

THAT I LIKED.
I learned how to make cafe mocha's at home. For one of our anniversaries he bought me a nice big coffee mug ... Ziggy with outstretched hands I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH ... it was a huge coffee cup ... maybe more than a Venti.

I would chug three of those a day... my husband would come home after work and I would be
having heart palpitations. I am kind of sensitve to caffiene.

ANYWAY ... what I noticed when I was doing one of those "eating awareness exercises" after chugging one of those mugs on an empty stomach was that the volume was too great and I wanted to binge.

Apparently VOLUME was just as significant a trigger for binging as SUBSTANCE.
Very Interesting.

But never you mind, it was a piece of enlightenment that I did not know quite what to do with so I did nothing. Except sometimes when I had been "doing good" with my eating and food and then gone out on what I call a restaurant binge, and then not be able to stop on the way home, or when I got home, or even after I had been home for quite some time ...

this little though would niggle in the back of my mind ...
is it Substance AND Volume? Ot is it just substance?
Could it possibly be JUST VOLUME?

Well, I am on day twenty on the No S Diet as this day's blog title attests to and I am now certain.
It is JUST VOLUME.
Why am I so sure?
I started getting all mystical last night.
And then my heart opened and I became all weepy this morning about the
majesty, beauty, awesomeness and wonder of life.

Folks, these are spiritual feelings. Yup.
It is volume and by reducing my VOLUME consistently by pretty meticulously following the precepts of the NO S diet ... my soul is awakened from its food coma.

I think I will get out to the park this afternoon and praise the faeries of flower and field and raise my eyes in gratitude to the divinity of the Sun God.

I have been reborn.