And N Days are For Stopping ...

Days like today are days that you gotta' love an N day. After way too many "holiday treats", waking up to the knowledge that fresh wholesome food would be the only thing to pass between my lips today was a great feeling.

It helped me not beat myself up for yesterday's food indiscretions and get on with the business of living.

No more "Can't work, too busy eating" for me. After eight plus months of green N days, I know on many levels that Monday means getting back to work and green N days. When I first started the NO S diet, EVERY Monday was kind of like hell.

Why? I simply wasn't used to stopping.

I beleived that I was powerless over sweets and if anything sugary passed between my lips I would be unable to stop myself from the gorging that would inevitably follow and would it go on ... well for days.

A pretty useful "belief" if you want to be "Can't work, too busy eating."

Or if you just like to indulge in the sugary stuff. Think about it. If I believe one bite and I can't stop ... think of all the times and all the ways I will be able to give myself license to indulge ... and NOT STOP.

The beauty of the NO S Diet is that on N days you stop. YOU JUST STOP. No matter what else you believe you can commit to no snacks, no sweets and no seconds on those N days. And if you are like me, you will learn something AMAZING.

That you have a lot more power over that sweet stuff than you realized. You just needed to apply your willpower to STOPPING not to CONVINCING yourself and other people that you have a problem you don't really have.

Now if you are like me and your inner two year old has been eating nonsensical amounts of the sweet stuff for years, its going to be TOUGH to STOP. But if you make up your mind you can do it, I beleive that you will. Cause after all, that's what N days are for ... stopping ...

Photo: Grilled Wild Mahi-Mahi, organic herb salad with EVOO, steamed broccoli with EVOO, Navel Orange

That's What S Days are For

I feel like I have been blessed with my husband's attitude for S days. Especially in my first few months of NoSing when I was panciked and/or flogging myself for "overdoing it" on S days, he would say, constantly and repeatedly: THAT'S WHAT S DAYS ARE FOR.

I am so glad that I listened to him and beleived him.

While I beleive a certain amount of structure and limits are necessary and helpful, I am one that is especially senstive to the "galling limits" of too much discipline ...

One of the things I immediately loved about S days was the "no rules" quality to them. I really just "let go" and tried to help myself figure out what, when and how I wanted to eat. Of course I overdid it. Especially in the beginning, but I would be lying if I said that I did not thoroughly enjoy it.

Yes, it absolutely slowed my weight loss and maybe even stalled it for a few months. BUT REALLY, WHO CARES? Because there was much deeper work going on.

I was learning how to pleasure myself with food. I was learning my own food personality and tastes and quirks. I was learning what was special, a treat for me and what was not. I was learning that yes, overeating, anything, even mini-peanut butter cups and monster toll house cookies, really isn't fun.

I was learning that I can trust myself with food and eating and sweets.

No I wasn't perfect out of the gate. The beauty was I didn't need to be. In fact what I needed to do was exactly what I did, which is to learn that S days are the best days to be forgiving. S days are the best days to learn from my mistakes. S days are the best days to overdo it and experiment. THAT'S WHAT S DAYS ARE FOR.

I know it is popular to structure S days and add rules upon rules to protect ourselves from ourselves, our desires and our appetites. But I honestly don't think that will work in the long run. For me, eating three meals a day and one treat on an S day would have been a disaster. Where is the freedom in that?
Where is the fun?
Where is the je nai se quoi in that?

I mean, structure and 3 meals a day, or however many meals you have a day as habit (grin) is WHAT N DAYS ARE FOR.

S Days are for freedom. Fun. Pleasure. And learning for ourselves from the tips of our toes to the tops of our heads that glutting our selves with sweets FEELS AWFUL. But how will we learn that if we don't integrate it experientially?

To me, 3 meals a day and a treat, is not an S day, it's just another diet leaving your desires and your appetite, bound, gagged and full of resentment at now being allowed to express itself.

Trusting Yourself

I believe one of the greatest psychological tasks in healing from an eating disorder is learning to trust yourself. I am not a doctor, this is not a medical opinion. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so this is also not a professional opinion. It is simply my opinion. Someone who has suffered with a binge eating disorder for over thirty years and been felled by it many times.

Felled into the deep dark hole of self-doubt.

In the end the only thing that gets me out of that dark hole is trusting myself. In the end, the only thing that keeps me out of that dark hole is trusting myself. In the end, the only thing that keeps me far enough away from that dark hole is trusting myself.

Trusting yourself is not such an easy task when you are unable to control something as basic as feeding yourself. IN such cases, self trust is like a little bird that flies out the window and refuses to return.

So how does one go about trusting oneself?

Some call it prayer. Some call it meditation. In the end what it is, is listening. Hearing. Heeding. Paying attention to the still small voice within that whispers your own particular truth. The rhythm of your own particular drum. The meaning of your own particular life.

You won't always get it right, epecially in the beginning. You might mistake impulse for intution or maybe you might mistake a voice from the past for your truth in the present. These things will happen. But they are worth the gold.

There is NOTHING no donut no brownie no chai tea latte that will fill the dark hole of not trusting yourself.

Peppermint Striped No S

On the No S Diet bulletin boards we call the No S Diet with no modifications, "vanilla" NO S. And, being as we are all individuals, many of us, most of us? like do to "tweaks" every now and then ... to address our own little proclivities, idiosyncracies and lives.

I have been pretty much doing "vanilla" NO S for just over eight months with great success. And most people would say "why in the heck would you want to mess with success?"

Well, it could be better, for me, methinks.

On S days I tend to "drift" into two meals a day with snacks and sweets. And my husband is a "two meal a day" person by habit. As I have continued to do the NO S Diet, I have been struggling to keep my "three meals a day" on N days. There have been times I have used eight ounces of juice to "make" a meal. Maybe a piece of fruit. Something really small ... just to be legal. Which after a certain amount of time seems to be giving a bit too much emphasis on being "legalistic".

I have also been cutting down on my "cardio" exercise each week and this causes my appetite to significantly plummet. And I have been extremely challenged in creating "meaningful meals" in appropriate portions.

Let's face it when the portions get too small, and you are only cooking for one or two and you pretty much HATE leftovers, it gets to be honerous day in day out.

SO I am going to, for the month of December, see if I can transition to a "two meal a day" No S Habit. I'm certain I'll be drinking juice and coffee for "breakfast" but since this is not "techincally" a meal, all liquid, I am planning on EATING just lunch and dinner.

On the outside chance that I have grossly miscalculated I will allow myself the freedom to have a "third meal" if perchance I end up physically starving. But unless I decide to hike the ridgeline of the Rockies for Christmas or take up manual labor, highly unlikely.

Anyway, in honor of the holidays, I am naming this particular "flavor" of NO S "Peppermint Striped".

I'll keep my progress during this transtion month on my blog and Daily Check-In on the NO S boards. But nothing to report today, it was an NWS (non weekend special) day for me!

My First NO S Diet Thanksgiving

The day began when we took our beautiful homemade pumpkin pies out of the refrigerator. After making them completely from scratch the night before, I must say we were pretty proud!

Next on the TO DO list ... walk over to Starbucks for a Triple Shot Grande Caramel Macchiato! Can you say YUM! YUM! Our neighborhood Starbucks was "in the season" and packed. The friendly staff put up festive decorations the night before and it looked like everyone within a five mile radius decided to start their Thanksgiving the same way we did. The line was long but everyone was friendly and in a good mood. Now it is time to go back home, turn on the stereo and fill the CD player with seasonal music and get to work.

Hmmm ... this turkey is taking longer than we thought it would to cook. GOODNESS we are hungry and doesn't that pie just look absolutely DELICIOUS! Yes, we had a delicious piece of our "Chai Pumpkin Pie" with plenty of whip cream for breakfast. You could just taste the fresh cinnamon that we wore our poor little fingers to a nub grating last night.

Ahhh.... Finally! The turkey is done. Let's do this in courses. Let's start with turkey, stuffing and plenty of turkey gravy.

OOPs! Now we are TOO FULL for the second course. Oh well, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day. Let's go and get some fresh air and walk back to get another coffee at Starbucks before they close. DARN! They are out of vanilla syrup for a Caramel Macchiato. Try one with sugar-free vanilla syrup. What a rotten aftertaste. How can anyone gag this stuff down? They remake us lattes with a swirl of caramel on top. I would have enjoyed a plain latte more. Note to self: Next time either a latte or a macchiato ... the twain don't mix. Enjoy a longer walk home.

Do the dishes. Clean the kitchen. Make the phone calls. Ahhhh ... a nice cup of licorice tea to settle the tummy and make room for ...

Yes, I did. I had two more pieces of pie. Each was just as yummy as the first. But I have to admit the second piece was eaten very SSSSLLLLOOOOWWWWLLLYYYY ... cause my tummy was a bit full.

It's getting late and I realize it just won't be THANKSGIVING without some sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce ... And now, this is exactly how we feel!

Hope that everyone had as HAPPY a THANKSGIVING as we did!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo: Fairy Tale Pumpkins bought at the local Farmer's Market

Eight Month Results

These are my eighth months results:

Pounds lost: 11.8 (from 134.6 to 122.8 - I am 5'3.5") (And remember, my original maintenance goal was 124.5 pounds)

Percent: 9%

BMI: 21.1 (was 23.7)

Current bodyfat: 19% (was 27.7% in December 2007) It looks like I am maintaining about 99 pounds of LBM (lean body mass.) That has been pretty consistent for several months. What I have been trying to do is peel off a little bit more fat ... which, honestly, for me has been quite challenging and slow. I have found "undereating" REALLY DOES pull off the muscle and overeating ... well, let's face it folks ... makes you "fluffy."

"Overtraining", especially long steady-state cardio sessions also don't seem to do much for me other than "costing" a lot of time AND then increasing appetite. Think I'll stay away from that.

What works best for me are weights and high intensity cardio sessions of about 20 minutes.

It has been really fun to use my own body as my own "laboratory" and test some of these conflicting "theories". I used to be a big walker. I walked almost everyday for about ten years. There are definitely "health benefits" especially as opposed to a completley sedentary lifestyle, but it appears that for me, short, intense cardio sessions are much more "mentally" and "physically" stimulating. That being said, we all have to start somewhere and walking is a great place to start.

As far as my eating goes, doing weights and HIT (high intensity cardio) seems to give me the best balance between hunger and activity. I eat less and do not feel "starved".

The No S Diet has been critical in achieving my current and what I consider "very mainatainable" success. By letting go of external guidelines stipulating what or how much to eat I have found a new found freedom and connection to my own body.

In the long run (and let's not forget "the long run" IS what we are talking about here) with all the stresses and strains of modern life, being able to simplify a weight maintenance program pays huge dividends in time and energy. I love having the excess time and energy that I used to spend meddling with my weight and eating issues to focus on other things.

All and all I have to continue my "rah rah" for the No S Diet. Its simple approach to moderation is sheer genius!