I have decided that I have come to the end of my NO S Diet blog journey. I have kept my N days green for nine plus months and built a very strong foundation of habit that got me through the holidays. I have grown tremendously in this past nine months and my passions are moving onto other areas of my life. These other things are where I want to focus in 2009.
I am so glad that I used the majority of 2008 to build my habit. If I have anything to say as a result of my NO S Diet journey thus far, it is take the time and make the commitment to build a period of solid green N days.
That will do more to alter your internal eating cues than you can imagine. It was very hard in the beginning. It was ESPECIALLY hard to stop on mondays in the beginning. But after a few months I am actually glad when Mondays roll around.
I am so THRILLED that losing weight is not one of my new year's resolutions in 2009. The only related resolution I have is to continue building my NO S habit!
Here's to actually living life!
Happy New Year!
Showing posts with label Binge Eating binging recovery No S Diet nosdiet eating disorder eating disorder recovery permanent weight loss overeaters anonymous busy productive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Binge Eating binging recovery No S Diet nosdiet eating disorder eating disorder recovery permanent weight loss overeaters anonymous busy productive. Show all posts
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Building Self-Esteem
About 15 years ago, my goodness has it been that long? Yes it has! Anyway, about 15 years ago I was in a situation as a student with a very challenging teacher. Now I did not personally like this person at all but I “sensed” that this person had something very valuable to teach me and I was right. The nugget of gold that I took from this relationship that has served me well is this:
Building self-esteem is doing something you thought you couldn’t’ do.
In the past fifteen years, this little nugget of golden wisdom has served me well whenever I am faced with a task or situation that I am afraid that I cannot do. And I have learned that I feel better, much better about myself, whenever I do those things I thought I could not do. Whether it’s just facing another day consciously and present, having that difficult and dreaded much needed conversation about boundaries with a relative, sticking with a task until I get it right or stringing along a bunch of green days on the No S Diet.
Each little success accumulates and so does my self-esteem. Now you might think I have self-esteem in abundance. But that’s just not so. I was harshly criticized, attacked, verbally abused, and ridiculed for a significant part of my early years and those experiences left their mark. I became riddled with self-doubt. Failure in all areas of my life became very familiar to me, and I became an “ace” at accepting it.
In fact, I was convinced that if I could just “accept” and “forgive” my failures and shortcomings, I would eventually succeed. But truthfully, accepting myself for my “failures” or “forgiving” my failures simply did not aid me in achieving anything that was meaningful or significant to me in the long run. My life really did not start to turn around and become enjoyable and worth getting up for until I started to encourage and allow for and “set myself up” for success.
If I have a failure today I don’t spend a lot of time trying to accept it or forgive myself. First I ask myself “Is this something I really want or need?” i.e., apparently achieving success in this arena is going to take a little or a lot more effort than I originally thought, am I willing to put in the extra effort?
If the answer is “NO”, then I accept that I was trying to achieve something superfluous in my life and let it go. No more discussions. No questions asked. No need to beat the dead horse.
But if the answer is “YES” then I ask myself, “What do I need to do to succeed?” I have already established with the first question that I am ready and prepared to make the extra effort. Now I just need to figure out what that extra effort is for me.
Although in his book, Reinhard says that it may take twelve attempts to make the No S Diet work for you, I decided that I didn’t want to waste my time with “false starts”. If I was going to do the No S Diet, I was going to “commit 100%” and do it. I decided after reading the book that I would commit my will power to keeping my N days green and I wouldn’t allow ANYTHING else to get in my way. Not weight loss or lack of it, not well-meaning food pushing friends or relatives, no more “Can’t work, too busy eating” and of course, I had to surrender one of my biggest beliefs right off the bat … “I am a sugar addict and I am powerless over food.”
From that point on Success was not necessarily easy but I honored my commitment to myself. I made the necessary changes in my life that it took for me to not snack, eat sweets or eat seconds on N days and limit each meal to one plate or one bowl. I was afraid, that like many other “plans” I would not last more than six months, but …
Building self-esteem is doing something you thought you couldn’t’ do.
Building self-esteem is doing something you thought you couldn’t’ do.
In the past fifteen years, this little nugget of golden wisdom has served me well whenever I am faced with a task or situation that I am afraid that I cannot do. And I have learned that I feel better, much better about myself, whenever I do those things I thought I could not do. Whether it’s just facing another day consciously and present, having that difficult and dreaded much needed conversation about boundaries with a relative, sticking with a task until I get it right or stringing along a bunch of green days on the No S Diet.
Each little success accumulates and so does my self-esteem. Now you might think I have self-esteem in abundance. But that’s just not so. I was harshly criticized, attacked, verbally abused, and ridiculed for a significant part of my early years and those experiences left their mark. I became riddled with self-doubt. Failure in all areas of my life became very familiar to me, and I became an “ace” at accepting it.
In fact, I was convinced that if I could just “accept” and “forgive” my failures and shortcomings, I would eventually succeed. But truthfully, accepting myself for my “failures” or “forgiving” my failures simply did not aid me in achieving anything that was meaningful or significant to me in the long run. My life really did not start to turn around and become enjoyable and worth getting up for until I started to encourage and allow for and “set myself up” for success.
If I have a failure today I don’t spend a lot of time trying to accept it or forgive myself. First I ask myself “Is this something I really want or need?” i.e., apparently achieving success in this arena is going to take a little or a lot more effort than I originally thought, am I willing to put in the extra effort?
If the answer is “NO”, then I accept that I was trying to achieve something superfluous in my life and let it go. No more discussions. No questions asked. No need to beat the dead horse.
But if the answer is “YES” then I ask myself, “What do I need to do to succeed?” I have already established with the first question that I am ready and prepared to make the extra effort. Now I just need to figure out what that extra effort is for me.
Although in his book, Reinhard says that it may take twelve attempts to make the No S Diet work for you, I decided that I didn’t want to waste my time with “false starts”. If I was going to do the No S Diet, I was going to “commit 100%” and do it. I decided after reading the book that I would commit my will power to keeping my N days green and I wouldn’t allow ANYTHING else to get in my way. Not weight loss or lack of it, not well-meaning food pushing friends or relatives, no more “Can’t work, too busy eating” and of course, I had to surrender one of my biggest beliefs right off the bat … “I am a sugar addict and I am powerless over food.”
From that point on Success was not necessarily easy but I honored my commitment to myself. I made the necessary changes in my life that it took for me to not snack, eat sweets or eat seconds on N days and limit each meal to one plate or one bowl. I was afraid, that like many other “plans” I would not last more than six months, but …
Building self-esteem is doing something you thought you couldn’t’ do.
And that is immensely more satisfying than any concoction that any chef, baker or food manufacturer can come up with.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
That's What S Days are For
I feel like I have been blessed with my husband's attitude for S days. Especially in my first few months of NoSing when I was panciked and/or flogging myself for "overdoing it" on S days, he would say, constantly and repeatedly: THAT'S WHAT S DAYS ARE FOR.
I am so glad that I listened to him and beleived him.
While I beleive a certain amount of structure and limits are necessary and helpful, I am one that is especially senstive to the "galling limits" of too much discipline ...
One of the things I immediately loved about S days was the "no rules" quality to them. I really just "let go" and tried to help myself figure out what, when and how I wanted to eat. Of course I overdid it. Especially in the beginning, but I would be lying if I said that I did not thoroughly enjoy it.
Yes, it absolutely slowed my weight loss and maybe even stalled it for a few months. BUT REALLY, WHO CARES? Because there was much deeper work going on.
I was learning how to pleasure myself with food. I was learning my own food personality and tastes and quirks. I was learning what was special, a treat for me and what was not. I was learning that yes, overeating, anything, even mini-peanut butter cups and monster toll house cookies, really isn't fun.
I was learning that I can trust myself with food and eating and sweets.
No I wasn't perfect out of the gate. The beauty was I didn't need to be. In fact what I needed to do was exactly what I did, which is to learn that S days are the best days to be forgiving. S days are the best days to learn from my mistakes. S days are the best days to overdo it and experiment. THAT'S WHAT S DAYS ARE FOR.
I know it is popular to structure S days and add rules upon rules to protect ourselves from ourselves, our desires and our appetites. But I honestly don't think that will work in the long run. For me, eating three meals a day and one treat on an S day would have been a disaster. Where is the freedom in that?
Where is the fun?
Where is the je nai se quoi in that?
I mean, structure and 3 meals a day, or however many meals you have a day as habit (grin) is WHAT N DAYS ARE FOR.
S Days are for freedom. Fun. Pleasure. And learning for ourselves from the tips of our toes to the tops of our heads that glutting our selves with sweets FEELS AWFUL. But how will we learn that if we don't integrate it experientially?
To me, 3 meals a day and a treat, is not an S day, it's just another diet leaving your desires and your appetite, bound, gagged and full of resentment at now being allowed to express itself.
I am so glad that I listened to him and beleived him.
While I beleive a certain amount of structure and limits are necessary and helpful, I am one that is especially senstive to the "galling limits" of too much discipline ...
One of the things I immediately loved about S days was the "no rules" quality to them. I really just "let go" and tried to help myself figure out what, when and how I wanted to eat. Of course I overdid it. Especially in the beginning, but I would be lying if I said that I did not thoroughly enjoy it.
Yes, it absolutely slowed my weight loss and maybe even stalled it for a few months. BUT REALLY, WHO CARES? Because there was much deeper work going on.
I was learning how to pleasure myself with food. I was learning my own food personality and tastes and quirks. I was learning what was special, a treat for me and what was not. I was learning that yes, overeating, anything, even mini-peanut butter cups and monster toll house cookies, really isn't fun.
I was learning that I can trust myself with food and eating and sweets.
No I wasn't perfect out of the gate. The beauty was I didn't need to be. In fact what I needed to do was exactly what I did, which is to learn that S days are the best days to be forgiving. S days are the best days to learn from my mistakes. S days are the best days to overdo it and experiment. THAT'S WHAT S DAYS ARE FOR.
I know it is popular to structure S days and add rules upon rules to protect ourselves from ourselves, our desires and our appetites. But I honestly don't think that will work in the long run. For me, eating three meals a day and one treat on an S day would have been a disaster. Where is the freedom in that?
Where is the fun?
Where is the je nai se quoi in that?
I mean, structure and 3 meals a day, or however many meals you have a day as habit (grin) is WHAT N DAYS ARE FOR.
S Days are for freedom. Fun. Pleasure. And learning for ourselves from the tips of our toes to the tops of our heads that glutting our selves with sweets FEELS AWFUL. But how will we learn that if we don't integrate it experientially?
To me, 3 meals a day and a treat, is not an S day, it's just another diet leaving your desires and your appetite, bound, gagged and full of resentment at now being allowed to express itself.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Trusting Yourself
I believe one of the greatest psychological tasks in healing from an eating disorder is learning to trust yourself. I am not a doctor, this is not a medical opinion. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so this is also not a professional opinion. It is simply my opinion. Someone who has suffered with a binge eating disorder for over thirty years and been felled by it many times.
Felled into the deep dark hole of self-doubt.
In the end the only thing that gets me out of that dark hole is trusting myself. In the end, the only thing that keeps me out of that dark hole is trusting myself. In the end, the only thing that keeps me far enough away from that dark hole is trusting myself.
Trusting yourself is not such an easy task when you are unable to control something as basic as feeding yourself. IN such cases, self trust is like a little bird that flies out the window and refuses to return.
So how does one go about trusting oneself?
Some call it prayer. Some call it meditation. In the end what it is, is listening. Hearing. Heeding. Paying attention to the still small voice within that whispers your own particular truth. The rhythm of your own particular drum. The meaning of your own particular life.
You won't always get it right, epecially in the beginning. You might mistake impulse for intution or maybe you might mistake a voice from the past for your truth in the present. These things will happen. But they are worth the gold.
There is NOTHING no donut no brownie no chai tea latte that will fill the dark hole of not trusting yourself.
Felled into the deep dark hole of self-doubt.
In the end the only thing that gets me out of that dark hole is trusting myself. In the end, the only thing that keeps me out of that dark hole is trusting myself. In the end, the only thing that keeps me far enough away from that dark hole is trusting myself.
Trusting yourself is not such an easy task when you are unable to control something as basic as feeding yourself. IN such cases, self trust is like a little bird that flies out the window and refuses to return.
So how does one go about trusting oneself?
Some call it prayer. Some call it meditation. In the end what it is, is listening. Hearing. Heeding. Paying attention to the still small voice within that whispers your own particular truth. The rhythm of your own particular drum. The meaning of your own particular life.
You won't always get it right, epecially in the beginning. You might mistake impulse for intution or maybe you might mistake a voice from the past for your truth in the present. These things will happen. But they are worth the gold.
There is NOTHING no donut no brownie no chai tea latte that will fill the dark hole of not trusting yourself.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Peppermint Striped No S
On the No S Diet bulletin boards we call the No S Diet with no modifications, "vanilla" NO S. And, being as we are all individuals, many of us, most of us? like do to "tweaks" every now and then ... to address our own little proclivities, idiosyncracies and lives.
I have been pretty much doing "vanilla" NO S for just over eight months with great success. And most people would say "why in the heck would you want to mess with success?"
Well, it could be better, for me, methinks.
On S days I tend to "drift" into two meals a day with snacks and sweets. And my husband is a "two meal a day" person by habit. As I have continued to do the NO S Diet, I have been struggling to keep my "three meals a day" on N days. There have been times I have used eight ounces of juice to "make" a meal. Maybe a piece of fruit. Something really small ... just to be legal. Which after a certain amount of time seems to be giving a bit too much emphasis on being "legalistic".
I have also been cutting down on my "cardio" exercise each week and this causes my appetite to significantly plummet. And I have been extremely challenged in creating "meaningful meals" in appropriate portions.
Let's face it when the portions get too small, and you are only cooking for one or two and you pretty much HATE leftovers, it gets to be honerous day in day out.
SO I am going to, for the month of December, see if I can transition to a "two meal a day" No S Habit. I'm certain I'll be drinking juice and coffee for "breakfast" but since this is not "techincally" a meal, all liquid, I am planning on EATING just lunch and dinner.
On the outside chance that I have grossly miscalculated I will allow myself the freedom to have a "third meal" if perchance I end up physically starving. But unless I decide to hike the ridgeline of the Rockies for Christmas or take up manual labor, highly unlikely.
Anyway, in honor of the holidays, I am naming this particular "flavor" of NO S "Peppermint Striped".
I'll keep my progress during this transtion month on my blog and Daily Check-In on the NO S boards. But nothing to report today, it was an NWS (non weekend special) day for me!
Friday, November 28, 2008
My First NO S Diet Thanksgiving
The day began when we took our beautiful homemade pumpkin pies out of the refrigerator. After making them completely from scratch the night before, I must say we were pretty proud!
Next on the TO DO list ... walk over to Starbucks for a Triple Shot Grande Caramel Macchiato! Can you say YUM! YUM! Our neighborhood Starbucks was "in the season" and packed. The friendly staff put up festive decorations the night before and it looked like everyone within a five mile radius decided to start their Thanksgiving the same way we did. The line was long but everyone was friendly and in a good mood. Now it is time to go back home, turn on the stereo and fill the CD player with seasonal music and get to work.
Hmmm ... this turkey is taking longer than we thought it would to cook. GOODNESS we are hungry and doesn't that pie just look absolutely DELICIOUS! Yes, we had a delicious piece of our "Chai Pumpkin Pie" with plenty of whip cream for breakfast. You could just taste the fresh cinnamon that we wore our poor little fingers to a nub grating last night.
Next on the TO DO list ... walk over to Starbucks for a Triple Shot Grande Caramel Macchiato! Can you say YUM! YUM! Our neighborhood Starbucks was "in the season" and packed. The friendly staff put up festive decorations the night before and it looked like everyone within a five mile radius decided to start their Thanksgiving the same way we did. The line was long but everyone was friendly and in a good mood. Now it is time to go back home, turn on the stereo and fill the CD player with seasonal music and get to work.
Hmmm ... this turkey is taking longer than we thought it would to cook. GOODNESS we are hungry and doesn't that pie just look absolutely DELICIOUS! Yes, we had a delicious piece of our "Chai Pumpkin Pie" with plenty of whip cream for breakfast. You could just taste the fresh cinnamon that we wore our poor little fingers to a nub grating last night.
Ahhh.... Finally! The turkey is done. Let's do this in courses. Let's start with turkey, stuffing and plenty of turkey gravy.
OOPs! Now we are TOO FULL for the second course. Oh well, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day. Let's go and get some fresh air and walk back to get another coffee at Starbucks before they close. DARN! They are out of vanilla syrup for a Caramel Macchiato. Try one with sugar-free vanilla syrup. What a rotten aftertaste. How can anyone gag this stuff down? They remake us lattes with a swirl of caramel on top. I would have enjoyed a plain latte more. Note to self: Next time either a latte or a macchiato ... the twain don't mix. Enjoy a longer walk home.
OOPs! Now we are TOO FULL for the second course. Oh well, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day. Let's go and get some fresh air and walk back to get another coffee at Starbucks before they close. DARN! They are out of vanilla syrup for a Caramel Macchiato. Try one with sugar-free vanilla syrup. What a rotten aftertaste. How can anyone gag this stuff down? They remake us lattes with a swirl of caramel on top. I would have enjoyed a plain latte more. Note to self: Next time either a latte or a macchiato ... the twain don't mix. Enjoy a longer walk home.
Do the dishes. Clean the kitchen. Make the phone calls. Ahhhh ... a nice cup of licorice tea to settle the tummy and make room for ...
Hope that everyone had as HAPPY a THANKSGIVING as we did!
Yes, I did. I had two more pieces of pie. Each was just as yummy as the first. But I have to admit the second piece was eaten very SSSSLLLLOOOOWWWWLLLYYYY ... cause my tummy was a bit full.
It's getting late and I realize it just won't be THANKSGIVING without some sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce ... And now, this is exactly how we feel!
Hope that everyone had as HAPPY a THANKSGIVING as we did!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Too Little, Too Much
One if the things that I am loving about the No S Diet is my increasing ability to calibrate my meals according to my hunger on a daily and meal by meal basis. Since I don't work out or move the same amount every day, it would make sense that my needs for fuel would need to be modified accordingly.
Let's face it ... some days, Sundays, I am a slug and other days I am in high gear and hardly sitting down or still. With the only unit of measure on the No S Diet being one plate or one bowl, it has become a huge learning process to figure out how much I need to put on that one plate or in that one bowl.
Why has this been such a huge learning process? As an ex-dieter, binger, I was either relying on an external authority ... i.e. calories, menus, food plans, to define how much food I should eat or I was pretty much in binge mode. Now into my eighth month on the NO S Diet, I have shifted to the internal authority of my own daily cues of hunger to help me sort it all out.
This is something akin to finally growing up. And I love it. I love being physically aware of too little and too much. No other process or method or diet for that matter has gotten me this close to consistently listening to and learning to rely on the natural method of weight control ... my very own appestat.
Let's face it ... some days, Sundays, I am a slug and other days I am in high gear and hardly sitting down or still. With the only unit of measure on the No S Diet being one plate or one bowl, it has become a huge learning process to figure out how much I need to put on that one plate or in that one bowl.
Why has this been such a huge learning process? As an ex-dieter, binger, I was either relying on an external authority ... i.e. calories, menus, food plans, to define how much food I should eat or I was pretty much in binge mode. Now into my eighth month on the NO S Diet, I have shifted to the internal authority of my own daily cues of hunger to help me sort it all out.
This is something akin to finally growing up. And I love it. I love being physically aware of too little and too much. No other process or method or diet for that matter has gotten me this close to consistently listening to and learning to rely on the natural method of weight control ... my very own appestat.
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